Kevin's Secret
by TheLostPotato
Summary: Kevin has a dark secret. Can Gwen help him? contains self harm. Don't read if triggered.
1. Chapter 1

**I haven't written in a really long time. Sorry if it's not that good. I'm fourteen. Please don't flame. Contains self-harm and hints of suicide. Set right after Ultimate Alien. I know that we saw Kevin shirtless in Alien Force, at the end of Ultimate Alien and maybe even other occasions, but this is a fanfic. Shh don't tell anyone how badass I am ignoring the facts. One-shot.**

Kevin sat in his garage, thinking. Thinking of what could quite possibly be the end of his relationship with Gwen. He sighed. He really did love her a lot. He didn't want to hurt her.

He felt that what he was doing was wrong. He couldn't stop. It was an addiction gotten out of hand. It tore at his soul. He had tried to stop many times. It never worked. He wasn't strong enough. He was useless. He dragged it across his arm again. A failure. He made another deep line in his forearm.

They wouldn't take him alive. The therapists. The Doctors. The hospitals. He would never let them get to him.

No. His mother wouldn't have wanted him to do this. Gwen wouldn't want him to do this. His father wouldn't have...

His father. His real father. The memories came flooding back and he had to clear the physical pain again. Crimson liquid flowed out new wounds on top of the already many scars.

"No!" He threw the razor across the room. It dripped onto the floor, and he was glad that it wasn't carpet. He cursed to himself. There was a lot of blood.

He walked towards the bathroom, attempting to keep more from hitting the floor. The dark-haired boy turned the sink on and rinsed his arm. It was still bleeding heavily. He veered his glance up towards the mirror. He was pale.

He pressed a towel against his arm, but it still didn't stop. He tried to use a lot more pressure on the wound. It kept it from bleeding, but only as long as he held it together. He took some bandages from the cabinet under the sink.

He wrapped them tightly around his injuries. It was uncomfortable, and itchy, but he would fix that when it stopped bleeding. He glanced at the mirror again, gasping at how pale he had become.

This wasn't good. Gwen would be over in an hour. He remembered that the floor needed to be cleaned up and picked up the towel. He would have to wash it. He took it over to the bench where he had inflicted these injuries upon himself.

It took him longer than he thought to clean it all up. After glancing over at his watch and realizing that his shirt was covered in blood too he remembered that Gwen would be there in ten minutes.

Honestly, by that time, he felt like just being alone, but he didn't want to upset Gwen. He didn't want her to know what he was battling. It was his fight.

He darted towards his wardrobe, grabbing a shirt, and back to the bathroom, discarding the towel on the door of the wardrobe. He cleaned up his arm again, and covered it with gauze. He put his shirt on just in time to see Gwen opening the door.

He was a little dizzy, but he could walk straight, and see alright, so he pushed it aside.

"Hey babe," he said with a large smile and hugged her. Pain shot up his arm but he tried not to flinch.

Gwen could sense something was wrong. She looked at Kevin. "You're so pale," she gently ran her fingers across his cheek, "are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he told her, "just a little tired. Didn't get much sleep." She frowned. "Do you want me to come back later?" she asked him, sympathy in her voice. Kevin could tell by the look on Gwen's face that she was concerned. He couldn't risk giving anything away. "Nah," he said, "let's watch a movie."

Gwen cuddled up against him on the couch. It was old, and a bit damaged, but she didn't care. She loved being with him.

Kevin's arm kept itching. It was painful to not scratch. Gwen noticed his frequent habit, and looking at his arm, saw that something wasn't right. She looked at it for a moment and realized what it was.

"Kevin?" she asked, "did you hurt yourself?" She took his arm in her tiny fingers. Kevin was nervous. "Umm, yeah. It's nothing," he assured her, reaching behind his head to scratch his neck with his free arm. "You sure?" she asked, letting go of him. "Yeah," he replied, slightly annoyed. "Can I see it?" she asked.

Kevin, not knowing what to say, replied with, "It's nothing, babe." Gwen wasn't convinced. "I just wanna make sure you're okay," she told him. "I'm fine, just leave it alone." Gwen could tell he was irritated, and he wasn't his usual self.

She finally decided to just agree with him. He was always so stubborn, and sometimes, she liked that about him. She was worried though at the current moment.

"Hey Kevin?" she asked. "Yeah?" "Can I stay the night tonight? My parents are out of town." Kevin wasn't quite sure what to say. He knew this day would come, but he had hoped he could explain why there were scars, not freshly made, still bleeding wounds.

"Sure," he said a little nervously. Gwen cuddled up against him. They had obviously never done anything of a sexual nature, because Gwen would have seen the scars and cuts that covered his legs. He didn't want to anyway. In this state nothing could have put him in the mood for that.

Gwen grinned at him. "I don't wanna do anything," she said awkwardly. "Ummm, you know what I mean. I just wanna spend the night." Kevin was relieved to hear that. Maybe he would be able to keep it secret after all. "Okay," he kissed her on the cheek.

The movie was boring, but all Kevin could think about was how lucky he was. Gwen seemed to like it, but he just stared off into space, thinking about what was to come.

By the time it was over, it was pretty late, and both of them were tired. "Can I borrow some more comfortable clothes?" Gwen asked. "Yeah, go ahead and look through the wardrobe," he said. She got off the couch and started towards it.

When she got there, she froze. There was a towel covered in blood, hanging over the door. "Kevin!" she almost screamed. Naturally, he got up and started running for her. She held up the towel and he stopped and stood dumbfounded.

"Let me see your arm Kevin," she demanded, "anything that bleeds that much has got to be pretty bad." "No," he said almost in a stubborn five year old way. "Kevin," she cried, "Do you not trust me?"

Kevin knew he would have to come clean. He was scared that she wouldn't accept him. "No," he turned away so that she had no view of his arm, "I don't trust myself."

Gwen was confused. She walked over to him and looked him in the eyes. "Kevin," she begged, "what are you not telling me?"

Kevin cringed. "I've been having urm..." he tried to find the words, "problems," he finally said. She appeared to be on the verge of tears, "What do you mean by "problems?"

"Let's sit down," he lead her to the torn up sofa sitting in the middle of the room. "Kevin, whats happening?" she needed to know. He knew she wouldn't leave without answers.

Kevin rolled up his sleeve and began to undo the gauze. Gwen watched in anticipation as he did so, making him even more nervous. When he was almost finished unwrapping his arm, and blood could be seen soaking through the gauze, he stopped. Gwen looked up at him.

"Promise me something?" he asked. His stomach flipped and he knew he could lose her. If he did, he might as well drag that razor right through the veins. "What is it?" she asked. "You'll love me no matter what?"

"Kevin," she took his hand, "I will always love you." "Gwen," he said shyly," I've been keeping something from you. Something that i probably shouldn't." A tear fell down his cheek. He didn't know what was going to happen. He was absolutely terrified.

Gwen was terrified. She had never seen Kevin, her one true love cry. She was almost brought to tears herself because she thought that it might have something to do with another girl. He didn't know how to say it, so he continued to unwrap the bandages, as she began to cry, until she could see his bloodstained arm. "Kevin," was all she could manage.

"I know, I just can't help it," he cried. Tears were everywhere by now, but none of them came new from Gwen. "Kevin, you can't," she stopped, "that's not right."

"It's an addiction Gwen," he sobbed. "I can't stop any less than I could stop trying to absorb power when I was a mutated freak," He began sobbing into his hands.

"We need to get you help baby," Gwen stroked his back, attempting to comfort him. "NO. NONE OF YOU PEOPLE UNDERSTAND. I DON'T WANT YOUR FUCKING HELP. I'M NEVER GOING TO THERAPY. THAT'S ONE STEP BEFORE THE DAMN INSANE ASYLUM."

Kevin sobbed louder and pulled away from Gwen's touch. "I'm sorry," Gwen apoligized. "THEY'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE," he yelled. He then realized that there was no reason for yelling and he spoke more softly, sniffling. "I just wanna be alone for a while Gwen."

"There is no chance I'm leaving you alone right now Kevin. Like I said I will always love you and I will always be there for you," she took his hand. "Please," Kevin begged. He wanted the cold metal's touch again.

"I'll be staying a few days Kevin. I don't want you to hurt yourself. It hurts me." Kevin began crying again. "Gwen," he sobbed, "I never wanted to hurt you." "then don't Kevin. You can be strong. Be strong for me."

Kevin realized that he should try. If that was what Gwen wanted him to do, he would try. "Alright," he agreed. "I'm going to stay with you for now. I'm not gonna let you out of my sight." Kevin groaned. He didn't want to be watched 24/7 but he had no choice in the matter. Not really.

"Let's get this cleaned up," Gwen walked him towards the bathroom. He rinsed it under the sink and it stung a lot, but it needed to be cleaned. At least, that was what Gwen said.

Gwen took the clothes that she was originally aiming for and quickly got dressed in the bathroom. "Aren't you going to change into some more comfortable clothes?" she asked Kevin flirtatiously. "I guess so," Kevin replied solemnly.

He grabbed some shorts and a t-shirt, and went into the bathroom. He was hoping he could get ahold of his razor, but realized he had thrown it across the garage. He would have decided against it anyway.

He got changed and came out to see Gwen waiting by the door. She gasped at the numerous scars on his arms and legs. She didn't want to upset him again, so she just walked up and hugged him. "I love you," she told him.

"I love you too," he told her back. "Lets go to bed," she requested. They walked into Kevin's bedroom and both got into bed, facing each other. Gwen was so beautiful to Kevin. He loved her more than anything. If she wanted him to change, he would.

Kevin was about to fall asleep when Gwen kissed him on the nose. He opened his eyes and smiled at her. She wrapped her arms around him and snuggled up against his chest. He loved this feeling. It wasn't one of lust and he wasn't exactly turned on, but he felt loved. He felt so loved. He had not felt this strong of a feeling since he was a child.

He sighed and pressed his nose into Gwen's sweet smelling hair. This might not be as bad as he thought.

**5/10/14 I came back to edit this story, as there were a few typos and awkwardly worded things from the original 1/25/14 writing.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I guess I'm not done writing this. I can writ**e** more easily at night when I can't sleep. I received a message a while ago asking me to continue. Here I go. Oh yeah and um, the first few chapters might be a little creepy. I feel like the last chapter had too much on him dealing with his problem rather than being around Gwen.**

Kevin awoke to the smell of bacon. He hadn't had actual decent food in a while, as he primarily used the microwave. He smiled and stood up, but suddenly becoming extremely self-conscious, he wrapped a duvet around himself, yawning, and using his curiosity towards the smell wafting from his makeshift kitchen as an excuse to leave the room.

Making his way into the kitchen he noticed a trail of crimson liquid on the floor. It made him nervous, due to the fact that it appeared to have been there for a while. He kept his eyes on the steadily growing river of blood, until it ended at Gwen's feet. She was facing the opposite direction, towards a frying pan and Kevin was concerned. "Gwen?" he asked nervously.

The figure spun around. Kevin nearly passed out at what he saw. Blood dripped and oozed from her pale arms. Her hair was pulled back messily and it appeared that she had been crying, but she smiled widely. Kevin tried to scream "Gwen!" but he simply could not get her name out.

She frowned, "Don't you like me better now Kevin? We're the same," she held out her arms for him to clearly see. His throat was dry and all he could do was shakily take her arms from underneath. Kevin was in tears. He managed to dryly get out the words, "Why would you do this to yourself?" Gwen was clearly offended, as if she had done nothing to receive such a reaction as this.

"I did it so we could be together," she told him angrily. Kevin looked into her eyes, "Gwen, you shouldn't do this." Gwen's look of utter disgust with him could not have been matched by anything he could have done. "I did everything for you," her voice deepened and her eyes glowed bright, as if she were turning into a full anodyte. She began to float, and her human body suddenly left her, replaced by pure energy.

"You don't deserve me," she said harshly. The room began to shake, and when wind began to sweep through the room, it swept some objects like Kevin's blanket into a swirling tornado, but others only fell to the floor. Among those on the ground was the frying pan, now on fire, lighting the room.

The walls crumbled and the house lifted off of them. They were surrounded by desert. "Gwen," Kevin cried, "Please, I need you." "It's too late for that," she pointed at him. A beam of energy hit his body.

Kevin awoke in a cold sweat. He felt a tiny hand press itself against his chest. He flinched at her touch. "Kevin?" she sounded very concerned. "It was only a dream," he tried to reassure her, but both of them knew that it was worse than that. Gwen flipped on the light and sat down next to him again.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Kevin just shuddered and glanced at the clock. It was four-twenty three AM. "I guess I could," he said, unwillingly.

They sat on the backboard of the bed as Kevin explained his dream to her. She listened, word by word, never changing her expression. By the time he was done talking, Kevin was in tears. Gwen did her best to put her arms around his massive shoulders. "Shh, it's okay," she stroked his Raven-black hair.

For a few minutes, it was completely silent. Painfully silent. It was only until this silence was broken by Kevin's yawn, that Gwen moved ever so slightly. A few moments passed, Gwen deciding whether to speak or not. "We should go back to sleep." Kevin said nothing, but nodded and slipped back under the sheets.

When he awoke, Gwen was gone. His heart pounded. His teeth gnashed together in nervous uncertainty, and he decided to stand. It was all too familiar. The fact that he couldn't smell any bacon calmed him a small amount. That food would terrify him for the rest of his life.

Gwen was pacing around talking on her cell phone. Kevin hadn't heard most of the conversation but he knew what was happening. "Well, I just don't know what to do to help this person." What he could make out was simple. She was asking someone what to do, and being really careful about not giving away anything that would let them know who she was talking about.

Kevin didn't know whether to just listen, leave, or reveal his presence to Gwen, so he stayed for a few minutes. It was soon revealed that she was talking to her mother, "mom, no, it's not me. I promise. It's a friend of mine." Kevin was shocked that her mother would think that Gwen would do that to herself. She was so talented. She had so many friends. Above all she was a good girl. She would never hurt herself. His mind drifted back to awaking in the night. He shuddered, then, backing up into a table, gave his location away to Gwen. "Uh, hey mom, I gotta go," she hung up and came towards him, "Hey."

She had a bright smile, as always, "How you doing?" she asked him, taking his hands in hers, looking up at him, anticipating for his response. His mouth was dry, "I guess I'm okay. What about you?" he playfully wrapped his arms around her. He still had yet to decide his feelings on the fact that she told her mother-of all people.

He guessed that he couldn't be angry at her. She was still his. She wasn't angry with him. She stuck through him with it. He would be scared too, if roles had been reversed. He wouldn't have a clue about what to do to help her.

She was wonderful. Beautiful. Absolutely perfect to him. He planted a kiss in her hair. She smiled up at him and stood on her toes to kiss him gently. He pulled her in tighter and pressed his lips to hers. She pulled away and placed her head on his shoulder.

A tear fell down his face. Poor Gwen, having to deal with his problems. He offered to make her breakfast and she gladly accepted.

Although they stayed in the garage the entire day, Kevin was glad that Gwen could be with him, and that he didn't have to hide anymore. It was a wonderful day. Although it consisted of movies and cuddling on the couch, they were happy just being together.

**Yay. Shorter Chapter, but oh well. I wrote it in a day. That's pretty good for me. Apparently, with an essay that I wrote, I didn't make honors English. I know I'm not exactly star quality, but I use big words. What just happened?**


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